“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

I was born to love and appreciate good music. If you saw my dad’s record collection you might faint. Led Zepplin has been playing in the background of my life as far back as I can remember….rock n’ roll is somehow a part of me.

I moved to Tucson in 3rd grade and quickly became friends with my fellow soccer player, Sara. Sara and I adored I Love Lucy and would act out the smashing grapes scene in my jacuzzi and could recite the words from the “vitameatavegamin” episode verbatim. But the best thing Sara and I did was sing the Beatles. I would be John and she would be Paul and we would sing song after song…my parent still have video of us doing this, which is slightly embarrassing but also amazing. This is one of my first memories of liking good music.



When I was in the 5th grade I remember my brother going to a concert in Phoenix. I thought he was such a bad ass, he and his friend Austin got dropped off at American West and got picked back up two hours later…. all for music. It amazed me. Later that year I snuck into his bed room and "borrowed" the CD of the band he went to see, I so desperately wanted to be cool like my brother. Little did I know this seemingly innocent act would put me a road of musical appreciation and love that I still am in awe by.

The CD I “borrowed” was Pearl Jam’s Ten. To say this was a little different than the music my friends were listening to would be an understatement…Ace of Base, Boyz II Men, and Salt –N-Pepa …but for some reason I was intrigued. My brother, who at the tender age of 14, usually listened to Wu-Tang was a huge supporter of Pearl Jam and though I liked what I was listening to I couldn’t quit put my finger on “what” it was that I liked.



Fast forward to the late 90’s….. I was staying up late one night watching some silly karaoke show on MTV ( clearly this was when MTV was still good!). On this particular show contestants covered song and had a house band backing them up. One participant choose “Guerrilla Radio” by Rage Against The Machine from their album Battle For Los Angeles. Naturally I had heard of Rage Against the Machine…one doesn’t dip their toe into the pool of “rock” and not know Rage. At this point I am in high school…the popular music is …Smashmouth, Shania Twain, Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears (who is still the only “pop” type star an can stomach)… I liked something about Rage, but yet again I couldn’t put my finger on it. I mean I had heard them before, they always had pulled at my heart strings but I didn’t know why…..why was I infatuated with this music that wasn’t considered popular in the crowds I ran with?

Please forgive the HORRIBLE add before!


At this point my brother is driving me to school. His jeep was decked out with a system and generally we were listening to Silk the Shocker and DMX. But occasionally a morning drive to school would be filled with Eddie Vedder’s voice and Mike McCready’s amazing guitar playing ( I don’t think this guy gets NEARLY enough credit!). When this would happen, I wasn’t allowed to talk, I could literally see my brother taken to another place and in some ways become a different person…in a way.



December 22, 1999…I turn 16. I get Delilah, a beautiful 2 door bright red Explorer, and now I can listen to the music I want to (though I can rap to a ridiculous amount of songs!! Thanks Brad). The first thing I did ( aside from driving to volleyball practice) was roll up to my local mom and pop music store. I purchased Hole’s “Celebrity Skin”, The Specials “Guilty 'til Proved Innocent!” , and the Red Hot Chili Peppers “Californication”. This is where I started separating myself drastically from what my fellow students were listening to…I got really into punk….NOFX, Operation Ivy, and the Mad Caddies. I learned to skateboard ( I still only know how to move and turn..kinda) and started attending small local shows…oh to look back at the Ashley of 16!



Around this time was when I fell in love with Rage Against The Machine…a love that still rears its beautiful head about once a month. Zack de la Rocha really says something with his lyrics (if you havn't checked out his solo stuff, "One Day As A Lion" I recommend it), even at the age 16 I got this, I understood there was a message to thier music. Not to mention….. Tom Morello…..his guitar playing astounded me, and still does to this day. The way Rage spoke out against what was happening in Mexico and came to the defense of The Zapatistas is still something I find amazingly profound.



I for the most part am a very happy person, I see brilliant blue sky and am optimistic about pretty much everything in my life. I have been called “little miss sunshine” and have been told “who needs ant-depressants when you have Ashley around”…all of which is amazingly flattering and a lot of the reason I am who I am. Because a lot of stuff has happened in my life ( as in everyone’s) there is this dark and unhappy part of me. But because people seem to love the happy Ashley..and hell I love her as well...I smile… so instead of being sad, depresses, and angry, I make the decision to be happy and to live life. But when I listen to Rage, I let myself feel the anger and the pain…and it helps(“It's an art to live with pain...mix the light into gray.”Eddie).

Rage Against The Machine - No Shelter (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Rage Against the Machine

Pearl Jam…have you ever sat and listened to old Pearl Jam? They have been around for over 20 years..there is so much more to them then “Yellow Ledbetter”, “Last Kiss” (with ironically is their highest billboard song…which is sadly embarrassing to Pearl Jam fans), and “Jeremy”. I have become my brother, when I listen to Pearl Jam…songs like “ Indifference” or “I Am Mine”…. I go to a different place, a very introspective place. Front man, Eddie Vedder openly spoke out about how disappointed he was in the Bush administration…he even paraded around on stage in a Bush mask. I am upset with myself for not going to one of the many PJ concerts I have been invited to..but here is hoping they do actually do their festival in the “middle of America” this summer.



Aside from Pearl Jam, the lead singer Eddie Vedder did the sound track to “Into The Wild”…which is easily my favorite book. If you have read the book, if you have demolished every word and every page, if you have yearned for the freedom Chris McCandles had (albeit crazy!), if you have felt like you had to escape, and if you can appreciate how Vedder came about writing the whole fucking sound track…it is beyond mind blowing!



Music really does mean the world to me. Radio Heads “ Hail to the Theif” is amply named after President Bush and is an incredible album. State Radio’s song “Unfortunates” is about the West Memphis Three and all of their music has a message or story behind it. The Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream” is one of the best albums of the 90’s. Beck…well Beck has continually amazed me since his “ Loser” song made him popular. Sufjan Stevens is so unique and amazing that I wish everyone (yes even the people who listen to Ke$ha) could hear him…… I could go on for days about who I love and why…. ( and I am sure there will be other blogs about this ……….)



As someone who has no musical talent, someone who would rather be playing volleyball or going for a run then learning a musical instrument, as someone who could make a deaf man cringe by singing….I am in love with music. I have the upmost respect for people who can play instruments, even more for those who do it well. I have a profound admiration for people who can write music, lyrics, and even sing….and people who can do all of these…forget about it, they are heaven sent.

I figured out that I listen to music about 15 hours a day…new music, Ratfynkt’s “Guaranteed” ….old music ….Led Zeppelin’s “ The Song Remains The Same”….random music Silverchair’s “Suicidal Dreams”…or even Pepper’s “Ashes”. I sometimes amaze myself at how much I know about songs and bands…at how much I have spent on concerts and tee-shirts…but in the end it is what makes me truly happy. Music has never let me down, music has never cheated on me, music has never made my ass fat….music is my heart, music is my soul.